shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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