Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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