Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize