True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
