my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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