I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
