I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
