; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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