What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
