just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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