Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
