1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
