Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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