Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
