I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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