Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
