Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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