My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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