Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
