My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
