If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
