just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
