8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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