She's JV to your varsity
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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