he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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