Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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