Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
