How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
