Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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