Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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