The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
