did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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