you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
