She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
