i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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