He is an equal opportunity slut.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
