my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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