i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize