We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
