omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
