Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize