you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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