I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
