You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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