ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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