Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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