Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
