I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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