Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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