you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
