Betty ford says i'm here all night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
