is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
