if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
