He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
