Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
