My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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