Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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