im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
