So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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