I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
