You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
