she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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