unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
