I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A+ Viking dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
