i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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