nut hugger
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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