There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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